Graycee's Story

This is a bit hard for me because Graycee is someone so special to me that I don't share her with just anybody. Graycee is my little angel that I got a glimpse of in this life and I look forward to getting to know her better in the next life. The little glimpse I did get was enough that I sit anxiously awaiting for the time I can be with her again. She has helped me to love and appreciate my family so much more. I have come to realize that this life is so fleeting and that just because you think it won't happen to me it really can.

When we found out we were expecting Graycee we were so excited. We had been trying for two years to have another baby so when it finally happened our joy was overwhelming. Everything seemed to be going ok, other than a few aches and pains I felt great. When I was about 18 weeks along we decided we would get the blood test done to check for spinabifida, down syndrome, and another thing. Well the test came back positive for spinabifida. We were sent to Boise to go to a specialist there so we could get a really good ultra-sound to check Graycee out. During the ultrasound I watched for the spine and she looked great to me. Her spine was normal I remember feeling such relief, but when the doctor came back in he gave us the bad news. Graycee had something called mphalicil hernia. This is when the organs are on the outside of the body. The next decision we had to make was to do an amnio or not to check and see if she had down syndrome or another chromozone disorder where they have an extra chromozone. We decidied to go ahead because we wanted to know exactly what we were facing and wanted to make sure we were ready for her when she got here. When we left the hospital I remember sitting in the car and crying. I remember feeling so numb. I couldn't believe it. I remember not wanting to be around anyone. It took a week to get the results of the amnio and it was good news. This was not a genetic condition for her. Something happened while she was developing and it just happened. We started going to Boise every 2 1/2 - 3 weeks. They did an ultra sound every time. When I was about 23 weeks along I got really sick. I had a really bad cold and an ear infection. At this time Graycee began to get less active and in my heart I knew there was something really wrong but I was so scared that I kept my fears hidden. I started having contractions on June 8th and I went home and rested, but the next morning she wasn't moving at all. I called Boise and they told me to go to the local Doctor here in Burley. I knew she was gone and at the doctors it was confirmed my baby girl had returned to Heavenly Father. While I was in the hospital they treated me so kindly. We had some very neat experiences there with family and a few close friends. I was able to have a beautiful priesthood blessing that gave me some understanding of why Heavenly Father took her home to be with him. She would have been such a sick baby. She would have been in such pain I am glad she didn't have to suffer, but I am unbelievably sad too. I miss her so much. She had such a fighting spirit and she gave me such a feeling of peace. I look forward to seeing her again. I will enjoy my time here and hopefully live my life in a way that I can be with her forever. I never quite an understanding of the atonement before. The things I learned because of Graycee have changed my life forever. My eternal perspective has widened. I understand that Jesus did not just die to save me from my sins but through his atonement he suffered all my sorrows to so that he could understand completely so that I wouldn't be alone in my sorrow. Every person experiences the sorrow in different ways and I know Jesus understands me completely. I am eternally grateful for all that I have learned. I know that families can be together forever and that the Book of Mormon is the word of God. I know that I belong to the church of Jesus Christ and that he is the true leader of our church through our wonderful prophet, Thomas Monson. I am so grateful for the teaching of the church and the hope that it gives me. I know that as long as I do my part I can be with my family forever.