A moment to stop and think!

Today at work as I was working very hard ;) I met this fabulous lady ( I don't remember her name and I don't think she knows of the impact she had on me). This lady came up to the service desk and asked about wiring money. Everything I do at the service desk comes so naturally for me now that I just hand the papers over and give a brief ( and depending how long my line is) and rushed explanation on how to fill out the form. I did this tonight and then continued to help the customers behind this lady. There were only a few so I had finished helping them by the time she was done filling it out. when she gave it to me it wasn't complete so I promptly returned the form and told her what information she still needed to give. As I was entering her information into the computer she apologized about it taking longer to fill out the form. I of course reassured her that it wasn't a problem. She then told me that she had a stroke a while back. And that she was doing so much better. We talked for a few minutes and I said that I wished there could be little fairies that came and fixed us. And she looked me in the eye and said it would be nice but that we should all take responsibility for our actions (which I 100% agree with.) I finished her transaction and we talked for a few more minutes and another customer walked up, but for some reason she didn't leave. After I was done helping this customer she said you know my stroke could have been so much worse. My neurologist had a stroke and he became paralyzed. I am so grateful that I am not. She then looked me in the eye and said we just need to be grateful for what we have. I don't think that she will ever know of the impact that she has had on me. I really feel she was the lords mouth piece. She could have left but when she went she hesitated and she stayed to tell me that. I don't know if I will ever see her again but how thankful I am to her and her willingness to tell me her story. It goes to show that we can never know when the Lord might use us as his mouth piece. I am so grateful that my path crossed this Lady's path today! I hope that I can be aware of the promptings of the holy ghost enough to know when I need to be the Lords mouth piece!

Looking to the future!

I am very thankful that I was able to go to my Aunt and Uncles homecoming yesterday! They gave beautiful talks. My life is very difficult sometimes and the spirit of their talks raised me up and helped me know that I could get through another week no matter what it brings. I get frustrated sometimes because Chris doesn't wear his cpap mask as much as I would like. He has made a lot of progress. I just need to remember step by step we will get there. I need to show patience and that is something that is very hard for me. Patience has been one of my biggest down falls my whole life. I expect results now and I want what I want sometimes. I know this attitude is not ideal, but at least I recognize I need to change. Sometimes its frustrating because I can see the end result and I know our lives will be so much better if he could just get used to the darn machine. Sorry I will get off my soap box now. But my Aunts and Uncles Ward really gave me the boost that I needed to face another day. I hope to be able to say that I have learned patience in the end, but I guess we will just have to wait and see.

At work I feel pretty good about things. I got my eval. Saturday and it was a really good eval. I have some stuff I could work on but overall it was really good. I will get another raise in June. That will really help out. I look forward to this next year and wonder what it will bring. Hopefully some really good things. Hopefully Chris can get back into the work force. Hopefully we can get into a bigger place so we don't feel so scrunched. I look forward to all these things and I hope it all comes to past. I don't know where we will end up but as long as we are together and happy that will be good enough! :)

Alexis Kay Walquist Story

In my previous post I told Graycee's story but her story wouldn't be complete if I did not tell the story of her little sister, Alexis. My saddness was great after Graycee. We were told that we needed to wait two months before trying to have another baby. Well since it took two years to get Graycee we were scared that it would take that long to have another baby. So we decided not to prevent it and 5 weeks after I had Graycee we found out we were expecting again. I was so nervous and scared that something would happen. My pregnancy went very well, but Alexis was my most quiet baby. She hardly ever moved and that really scared me sometimes and I was a jumble of nerves. We had tons of non stress tests done. the last five weeks I was pregnant we had them done twice a week. It was really relaxing listening to her heart tones for a half an hour or so. There was only once that she scared us to death and wouldn't move. I drank cold water, ate something with sugar and she just wouldn't move. I was sent to the hospital to have an ultra sound stress test done and she was fine. What a relief that was. Well the last week I was pregnant my doctor had planned a trip to peru. I had my last drs. appointment with his partner and he told me if he was my doctor he would do an c-section. Well that really upset me so when I started having contractions regularly i put myself on bed rest because I didn't want anyone else delivering Alexis. Well my doctor made it back and we had plans to induce the day after he returned. So on April 2nd we went to the hospital and we had Alexis. I don't remember a lot about my labor with her. Once again when I had the epidural my blood pressure bottomed out and it was worse than before. I was numb up into my chest. I was so thirsty but couldn't swallow. I got sick to my stomach, I could barely breathe. Chris tells me they called respiratory and that brought in a cart to incubate, luckily they didn't have to do that. I remember my doctor standing next to the bed watching the monitors saying Jessica are you still with us. It was so scary. But we got her here and we were overjoyed with her. Alexis has such a calming spirit. She brings joy to all that meet her. She has comforted me so much. i love her so much. The moment I saw her I was head over hills in love. I am so grateful that she is a part of our family. Our family would not be complete with out her!

Graycee's Story

This is a bit hard for me because Graycee is someone so special to me that I don't share her with just anybody. Graycee is my little angel that I got a glimpse of in this life and I look forward to getting to know her better in the next life. The little glimpse I did get was enough that I sit anxiously awaiting for the time I can be with her again. She has helped me to love and appreciate my family so much more. I have come to realize that this life is so fleeting and that just because you think it won't happen to me it really can.

When we found out we were expecting Graycee we were so excited. We had been trying for two years to have another baby so when it finally happened our joy was overwhelming. Everything seemed to be going ok, other than a few aches and pains I felt great. When I was about 18 weeks along we decided we would get the blood test done to check for spinabifida, down syndrome, and another thing. Well the test came back positive for spinabifida. We were sent to Boise to go to a specialist there so we could get a really good ultra-sound to check Graycee out. During the ultrasound I watched for the spine and she looked great to me. Her spine was normal I remember feeling such relief, but when the doctor came back in he gave us the bad news. Graycee had something called mphalicil hernia. This is when the organs are on the outside of the body. The next decision we had to make was to do an amnio or not to check and see if she had down syndrome or another chromozone disorder where they have an extra chromozone. We decidied to go ahead because we wanted to know exactly what we were facing and wanted to make sure we were ready for her when she got here. When we left the hospital I remember sitting in the car and crying. I remember feeling so numb. I couldn't believe it. I remember not wanting to be around anyone. It took a week to get the results of the amnio and it was good news. This was not a genetic condition for her. Something happened while she was developing and it just happened. We started going to Boise every 2 1/2 - 3 weeks. They did an ultra sound every time. When I was about 23 weeks along I got really sick. I had a really bad cold and an ear infection. At this time Graycee began to get less active and in my heart I knew there was something really wrong but I was so scared that I kept my fears hidden. I started having contractions on June 8th and I went home and rested, but the next morning she wasn't moving at all. I called Boise and they told me to go to the local Doctor here in Burley. I knew she was gone and at the doctors it was confirmed my baby girl had returned to Heavenly Father. While I was in the hospital they treated me so kindly. We had some very neat experiences there with family and a few close friends. I was able to have a beautiful priesthood blessing that gave me some understanding of why Heavenly Father took her home to be with him. She would have been such a sick baby. She would have been in such pain I am glad she didn't have to suffer, but I am unbelievably sad too. I miss her so much. She had such a fighting spirit and she gave me such a feeling of peace. I look forward to seeing her again. I will enjoy my time here and hopefully live my life in a way that I can be with her forever. I never quite an understanding of the atonement before. The things I learned because of Graycee have changed my life forever. My eternal perspective has widened. I understand that Jesus did not just die to save me from my sins but through his atonement he suffered all my sorrows to so that he could understand completely so that I wouldn't be alone in my sorrow. Every person experiences the sorrow in different ways and I know Jesus understands me completely. I am eternally grateful for all that I have learned. I know that families can be together forever and that the Book of Mormon is the word of God. I know that I belong to the church of Jesus Christ and that he is the true leader of our church through our wonderful prophet, Thomas Monson. I am so grateful for the teaching of the church and the hope that it gives me. I know that as long as I do my part I can be with my family forever.

A Light Bulb Moment

Have you ever felt like you were walking in a fog and you were so scared to take the next step because of fear that you might fall or roll your ankle or get hurt in some way. Lately that is how life has been for me. I have been walking in a fog not knowing which way to go and which is the best place to turn. Part of the reason is that I have been harboring hurt feelings for the past couple years and at times it doesn't bother me but sometimes I have huge flair ups where I feel like I am walking in a fog. It seems like I am crying all the time and can't stop it. My life is not horrible but there are many places in my life that I wish things were alot easier. We'll save my wish list for a later entry, but sometimes my life gets so overwhelming and I feel the pressure almost to where its unbearable. Well I had a huge eye opening experience last night. Now we are no where perfect with scripture study as a family but last night even though I really wanted nothing to do with it (I know that is a really BAD attitude) we had our evening scripture study. We read 1 Nephi 8 about Lehis dream of the tree of life. Well it came to me that the mist of darkness isn't necessarily sins but it can be all the "noise" we have in this life. It can be that thing that really hurt our feelings and we can't let go of, it can be that we didn't get that job promotion, or it could be that we have really bad anxiety. It can be anything that blocks our view of our Heavenly home and keeps us moving towards it. The next thing that came to me I already knew but it was reiterated in my mind. It was that no matter what if we hold on to the rod of iron then we have no reason to fear when we are taking our next step because the Lord will be our eyes. Anyhow these are just a few of my thoughts that came to me while reading the scriptures with my wonderful family. I felt like I needed to write them down so I can always remember them. I have regretted in the past when I have had light bulb moments and haven't written them down and then later trying to remember them and I can't. I am so thankful for the Book of Mormon and the wonderful teachings it has in it. I know that Heavenly Father watches out for us and that he loves us so much. I am so grateful for an older brother that loved me enough that he agreed to walk the same path that I walked in my life and is willing to carry my burdens so that my load might be lighter. I am so grateful that He was willing to die for me so that we can ALL return to our Heavenly Father again and be together as a family forever. I so look forward to seeing my little Graycee again. I look forward to seeing her and holding her close. I look forward to laughing and crying together someday. I am so excited for the day that I can see her again. I know that she is with two other wonderful girls right now and I look forward to seeing them again someday. I look forward to seeing my beautiful sister again that I never got to meet in this life but look forward to a wonderful relationship with her in the next life. I look forward to seeing my wonderful niece and hugging her again and being able to tell her how much I love her and that I think she is the most amazing person I know! I look forward to seeing these three wonderful girls again someday!

Is it possible that it has been a year?

A lot can happen in a year especially when your not paying attention. This year has flown by so quickly for me for tomorrow my baby girl turns 1! Alexis is one of the bright spots in my life! She has such a comforting spirit about her. There is no doubt that she came to our family at just the right time. When I thought my heart was breaking and would never recover Heavenly Father sent me such a wonderful gift! My heart still hurts and the hole in my heart will never be filled but my heart was able to grow so much when my baby girl was sent to me from above! Alexis is a little gem as grandpa likes to call her! She has touched everyone that has come into contact with her! It seems that wherever she goes people are drawn to her! If you are a stranger she will usually give you a sly little grin and then hide her face in my shoulder. Although there have been times that she cries and cries when she sees someone that scares her. Like when my dad makes silly faces at her she cries and cries. I didn't know my dad could be so scary until I saw him through my baby's eyes! JK! I love my dad and he is always goofing around with the grand kids and Alexis is no different for him, Alexis just hasn't come to appreciate it yet! :) LOL! Sometimes you have to really be persistent and patient with her if you want to hold her. Well I better go for tonight! Happy Birthday my little one year old I love you very much!

7 things I love about my LuLu!

7~ I love it when you say sassily "It doesn't matter!"

6~ I love it when you give me a great big hug when you know I'm sad!

5~I love it when you smile and there is a mischievous sparkle in your eyes!

4~ I love it when you write me notes!

3~ I love it when you laugh!

2~ I love that you are a wonderful sister to Burke and Alexis!

1~ I love that you are my wonderful daughter!

This is a little late! Annie turned 7 on March 26, 2010. She is such a wonderful daughter and is always so loving. I love her beautiful smile and the fact that she is a wonderful daughter and sister! She is always trying to get Alexis to smile. Annie I hope you know just how much I love you and that I think you are a fabulous young lady!